Let’s Play Webtoon has been a fan favorite for a while. It’s become so popular that there’s even becoming an anime. One thing that I love so much about this webtoon though, is that the creator chose to get real with mental health(a topic we all know that I’m passionate about).
(warning: this article contains mentions of mental health topics such as depression and mentions abuse)
If you haven’t already heard of it, Let’s Play webtoon is a featured Romance Webtoon created by Mongie. It updates every Tuesday. This let’s play webtoon is about a young woman named Sam Young whose dream is to become a game developer. Her dream was soon crushed when a popular “Viewtuber” reviewed her game and gave it a bad review, causing all his fans to spiral into a hatred of her. To make things worse, she soon discovers he is moving into the apartment next door.
Sounds like the perfect setup for an anime right? The character of Sam is depicted as introverted with major social anxiety and her new neighbor, Marshall Law(who else can’t help but think of Marshall Lee every time you see his name?) deals with depression.
Depression has a way of sucking the life out of you. It mentally and physically drains you – every bit of you; every bit that’s left of you. And when you try to pull yourself back, when you try to stand up, it has the power to pull and drag you back down.
Depression is the moment you wake up and open your eyes then realize that you are living a never-ending nightmare.
Depression is realizing that death no longer scares you. I know how difficult it is to go through this every single day. And there are days when you just want to curl up in bed and just hope that everything will be over.
And Sam had the right idea with this. You might have heard of it being called depersonalization
I’m slow to get started, I’m slow with getting things done. I have tried to explain to friends, partners, and family that I’m always in fright mode, and it takes nearly all my energy. I don’t think they believe it. Why would they, I have a comfortable life except that I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more. For the most part, I just feel empty.
It’s hard to explain to people why I feel chronically empty when I have so much to be grateful for.
But the fear is so much stronger. How am I supposed to go about my day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, and be a person? That’s one reason I loved reading this webcomic. It got real when it came to emotions and the realities that so many of us are failing in self-esteem/confidence.
Even with this blog, though I love it dearly, causes my anxiety to rise. Will it ever be enough to make a difference? Can my words and writing actually reach someone and help…
…Will I ever actually be enough?
This type of thinking follows me everywhere. It’s there when I wake up and lay in bed, trying to find the motivation to get out of bed. It’s there when I avoid the mirrors so I don’t have to see my reflection. When I go to my job that I can barely keep, already fighting the fight or flight response, avoiding people so they don’t get the chance to see.
Anytime I’m around people, especially strangers, I clam up. I somehow always manage to say the wrong things and come off wrong. With this new job I’ve come into, someone even let me know that they first thought I was snobby because I wouldn’t talk to them. They just didn’t know. It’s not that I wouldn’t, but I physically couldn’t.
I have a call center type of job and there are moments I have to take an extra break to go hide away in the bathroom and breathe. To escape. But the fear of not being accepted, of being rejected is stronger. So I keep quiet. I don’t look like them, with my sallow pale skin, my unmade up skin, my stringy hair. They all have tans with straight white teeth and are loud and make people laugh. I’m ugly and need to not be seen.
I know that most people would say that I would just need to build confidence, but I’ve been in this world a long time. There are moments (bipolar tendency, almost) where I feel like a princess and confident, but that shield is always broken and I come crashing back to reality. Why should I matter? Why should they care about me?
Than the depression sets in…Let’s Play Webtoon Actually Talks about this
The second main character for the let’s play webtoon, Marshall Law, has depression following him and only one person has noticed so far (Vicky). He games and it starts to fade but it’s obvious to the readers that he craves human connection and has major separation anxiety. I can understand this. My entire life, people have left. No family and my friends are online, at an arms reach. Though I’m happily married, I still struggle with the emotion that one day, he too might leave me once he realizes how much of a mistake I am. How broken and how I can’t be fixed.
I was abused as a child, a teen, and an adult. It made intimacy very difficult for me. My husband is my safe person and the only one I fully trust. I can’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me like that again. When it first happened, I spoke out, and nobody believed me. I learned quickly that silence was the key to survival. I just had to keep my mouth shut and I would be okay.
But I wasn’t okay. My identity quickly became lost in the image I was trying so hard to present to the world. I had to show the world the girl that I needed them to see, not who I was. I was a chameleon, my personality changing depending on who I was around. The depression was heavy, and the grief came in waves.
I was drowning and no one could tell.
Marshall games, and for me, I blog. This blog became a part of me, an easier escape than the reality that I was facing. Though it brings a LOT of stress at times, it also gives me hope. It keeps the depression at bay. That one day I can defeat it.
I’ll be the first to admit that I know I’m not okay. And guess what? It’s OKAY to not be okay. I’ve held on for this long, I might as well keep holding on. I do have things in life that keep me fighting. My husband and our furbaby, for one. This blog and all the wonderful people I’ve met through it. Webtoons (especially the let’s play webtoon) and the next chapter have kept me looking forward to something. And it’s no shame to admit that.
Have you already read the Let’s Play Webtoon? What did you think? Let us know in the comments below.
P.S if ANY of ya’ll are struggling with mental health stuff, please reach out to someone you can trust. Heck, you can message YumDeku or me anytime. We’re here to help or at least let you know that you are not alone in this insane world.
We are not licensed therapists though, so if you or someone you know is considering suicide, please, PLEASE reach out to the national suicide hotline.