MyAnimeGo

Tag: psychological

If there’s something we love about anime, manga and games is the myriad of stories and concepts that not only push the envelope, but are sometimes so disturbing, dark, or real that we can never forget them.
If Perfect Blue is your idea of a twisted good time, then come look at our psychological anime, manga and game recommendations and reviews!

  • Shin Sekai Yori living with Our vulnerability [June 2019 OWLS Tour]

    Shin Sekai Yori living with Our vulnerability [June 2019 OWLS Tour]

    Hello everyone, it’s been a fast year so far. We are six months in, and already into our sixth OWLS blog tour of the year, which is amazing and this couldn’t have been done without:

    Wonderful anibloggers that work on their blogs but still find time to work behind the scenes of blog tours making sure everything goes smoothly for the rest of us OWLS.

    anime guy celebrating

    And for new readers just joining us, that don’t know about the OWLS, we are;

    a group of otaku bloggers who promotes acceptance of all people regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion and disability through the use of anime and manga. We emphasise the importance of respect, kindness, and tolerance to every human being.

    Sadly this is only my third tour, cause I have not been able to take part as much as I would have liked. So when the sixth one tour came around I knew I just had to do it. And also having and idea for this immediately I saw this months Topic helped.

    “Vulnerable”

    In the month of June, we will be discussing what it means to be vulnerable. To some individuals, being vulnerable could be seen as a sign of weakness, but in fact, vulnerability is actually a sign of strength. In this month’s posts, we will explore what it means to be vulnerable and how certain characters in pop culture glamorize vulnerability. When do we show our vulnerability? How do we express vulnerability? Why should we show vulnerability? These are questions that we will be discussing in our posts featuring characters that show vulnerability and/or sensitivity and what we can learn from them or even our own personal stories.  

    To me the first thing I thought about when I read this was Shinsekai Yori. It’s an anime to me that has a lot of depth and meaning, and for me one of the meanings I noticed was vulnerability.

    Before we continue for people who haven’t heard of Shinsekai Yori

    What is ShinSekai Yori?

    Aonuma Shun, Asahina Satoru, Watanabe Saki, Itou Mamoru & Akizuki Maria
    From left to right Shun, Satoru, Saki, Mamoru & Maria

    Following a sudden outbreak of psychokinesis in 0.1% of the population, a rapid transformation swept the world. The godlike ability to manipulate matter remotely turned many power wielders to violence, inciting a long period of upheaval. Finally, after a chaotic era shaped by the rise and fall of oppressive regimes, the psychic humans were able to achieve a fragile peace by isolating their society, creating a new world bound by complex rules.

    In the town of Kamisu 66, 12-year-old Saki Watanabe has just awakened to her powers and is relieved to rejoin her friends—the mischievous Satoru Asahina, the shy Mamoru Itou, the cheerful Maria Akizuki, and Shun Aonuma, a mysterious boy whom Saki admires—at Sage Academy, a special school for psychics. However, unease looms as Saki begins to question the fate of those unable to awaken to their powers, and the children begin to get involved with secretive matters such as the rumored Tainted Cats said to abduct children.

    Shinsekai yori tells the unique coming-of-age story of Saki and her friends as they journey to grow into their roles in the supposed utopia. Accepting these roles, however, might not come easy when faced with the dark and shocking truths of society, and the impending havoc born from the new world. –MAL

    Vulnerability of Our thoughts

    Thoughts fester

    Aonuma Shun from shinsekai yori

    We see this when Shun loses control of his cantus, due to repressing negative emotions. Becoming a danger to himself and all thats around him.

    Shun tried only to acknowledge his good parts– the kind and gentle boy, which I think we are all gulity of. It’s not a bad thing to do, but we are human we have both good and bad in us.

    Bottling up thoughts or emotions are never a good idea, for any reason like– fear, weakness, thoughts of sounding dumb etc. Not voicing them out doesn’t really let them go away but can evolve them and make them even worse over time. Just like Shun, by ignoring the ugly parts of himself, he eventually became the ugly parts.

    Shun Aonuma has a karma demon
    Shun has a karma demon

    If it bothers you voicing your worries is always the path to fixing the problem, or more simply

    Admitting there is a problem is half way to fixing the problem.

    Fearing the unknown

    Fear is an emotion that can save or destroy, dragging you into even despair and sometimes paranoia.

    The Queerats fear of being eradicated one day by the humans pushes them to create a weapon to fight the humans.

    Squealer-Watanabe-Saki-Asahina-Satoru

    Causing casualties on both side. And almost actually causing the eradication of the queerats.

    Or

    The fear of the villagers of Mamoru becoming a fiend, causing them to send a tainted cat to kill him.

    Itou Mamoru and a tainted cat

    This ends up badly with Mamoru running away from the village with Maria, which ends up bringing the fears of the villagers to life, years later.

    Sometime we are the ones that give our fears physical form, making us humans our own worst enemy. When we make decisions out of fear.

    Thoughts of Weakness

    Is weakness really a vulnerability?, I don’t think so. Weakness to me is knowing yourself.

    And by knowing your weakness, you can find a way to adapt or at least be better next time.

    Saki is a good example of this not being the strongest or smartest.

    Watanabe-Saki-Asahina-Satoru
    But yet still becoming the head of the village.

    Saki one of the most sensitive breaking down to tears the first, turns out to be the strongest being able to accept the good and bad. she overcomes any experience and continues moving foward.

    So that’s all I have for you hope you enjoyed my post. You should not miss Karandi take on vulnerability! and Naja post after mine.

    You can follow along with the whole tour:

    Hope we see you there!

  • Worst Anime of All Time!

    Worst Anime of All Time!

    You always see lists of all the best anime of all time but it’s rare to see them for the WORST anime of all time. So I decided to bug my roommates and ask around to see what people thought the worst anime of all time would be.

    FLCL aka Fooly Cooly

    FLCL has been labeled as a masterpiece and something pleasantly different. If an anime show has this much praise, the I’m expecting something enjoyable and funny.

    Sadly, FLCL did not offer anything but pain.

    There is absolutely no story behind this anime. It is just six episodes of disjointed scripts that attempt to fuse together as many genres as possible then injected with pointless crude humor.


    Many would argue that this show is nothing but a random and nonsensical arrangement of spontaneous events. It’s full of pointless and meaningless slapstick humor that cheapens the show, makes it impossible to take seriously as an anime and gives it a “loony toons” vibe of immaturity.

    Aho Girl

    Overall, if you are looking for a short anime with endless comedy gags with no clear story or plot but just laughter, then this anime is for you. It’s slightly lewd, but over the top comedy.

    However, Aho Girl is also painful to watch. While doing a comedy list, I came across this anime. I made it about five minutes before I caved. Seriously, this anime made me want to bang my head against a wall and scream. More so than Diabolic Lovers ever did.

    First and foremost, this show is simply not funny. Aho Girl makes a spectacle of itself – presenting faux-meaningful observations; idolizing its vapid female lead; overindulging in panty shots; while accomplishing absolutely nothing in the end.

    The testament of Sister New Devil or Shinmai Maou no Testament

    In my opinion this show is just bad.


    First of all half, the show is unwatchable. Half of the show is white bars of light covering the screen during the more sexual oriented scenes. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t like staring at anything for almost 3 to 5 minutes at a time, with an occasional face or backside appearing in a shot.

    Second, the story is just so messy and all over the place. Most of the story makes little to no sense, due to plot holes. You may argue that it isn’t about the story, but the point is the story tries to bring in characters and world building it didn’t even need.

    Overall, feel free to disagree, but there is so much holding this series back. There are some interesting ideas sprinkled here and there, but not a single one of them were represented properly here. This is simply a mediocre show, just not worth anyone’s time, not even the most hardcore of ecchi anime fans. 

    HAKYUU HOUSHIN ENGI

    I love the Houshin Engi manga, so when I saw it was going to receive another anime, I was hopeful this one would cover the whole story and do a decent job on its adaptation. Sadly, I was wrong. The first episode already shows big differences between the two. The story is badly told. You can’t understand much if you don’t know it already.

    I still recommend the manga, but this anime shouldn’t exist.

    Most viewers will not like this anime for two simple reasons: It’s not very good and most of all, not very enjoyable either. It walks the path of mediocrity without even trying to be anything. The outcome is very bland and a total lackluster. 

    This adaptation did surprisingly many questionable choices. First and foremost is the lack of introduction. Viewers are quite directly thrown into a random world around random characters. Nothing is explained, things just somewhat are there and stuff happens because it does.

    THE MASTER OF RAGNAROK & BLESSER OF EINHERJAR or Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyria

    Even when stacked up against Isekai abominations like Death March and Isekai wa Smartphone, it still somehow manages to be even worse! In fact, this might just be the worst Isekai anime that I’ve seen to date, and considering the generally poor quality of the genre, that’s really saying something. So yes, this anime is definitely incredible!

    Incredibly bad.

    This anime doesn’t even bother to start with the protagonist getting inexplicably transported to a fantasy world. When we’re introduced to him, he’s already been in another world for two years, so it’s almost like this isn’t even an Isekai anime. Anyway, our protagonist, named Super Ultra Omnipotent Usurper, or Suou for short, is a perfect being in every way! He’s the most morally just and relatable character ever, is a military genius, and, most importantly, gets all the women! Actually, only the latter is true, but the anime still desperately tries to give him character traits that make him more than just a chick magnet.

    Too bad they fail miserably.

    Suou is a conqueror, plain and simple. Not of nations, but of women. Yet what makes him stand out from his fellow Kirito clones? Well, Suou is unique in that when he claims a girl as his property, he makes her a part of his “family.” That’s right, this guy forces his women to become his little sisters and daughters. Then makes them address him as “papa” and “big brother.” He also doesn’t seem to give a crap about his soldiers and doesn’t bat an eye when they’re slaughtered in combat. And the best part is that the writers still try to portray him as an “I am holier than thou” type of character.

    Thanks to the solar-powered smartphone that Suou just so happens to have, our hero is able to look up military tactics of great historical leaders like Alexander the Great and Sun Tzu and implement them in battles. Of course, you really can’t tell what battle strategies are being used during fight scenes due to the hideous visuals that make everything look like an utter mess.

    A random red haired dude in this anime wisely said “the details don’t matter.” I think the writers must have taken that sentence to heart. Nothing about this anime makes any sense. The plot goes nowhere, and the characters are painfully bland and annoying.

    Goblin Slayer

    “Anyone who likes/dislikes this show is a Nazi/Libtard.” – The state of the anime community after episode 1.

    I think it’s fair to say that no other anime has caused such controversy and overwhelming divide amongst anime fans after a single episode like Goblin Slayer has. A scene lasting around fifteen seconds featuring a character being raped receiving more condemnation than every other anime airing this year.

    So, feel free to watch Goblin Slayer if you enjoy dark-fantasy and have a tolerance for uncomfortable content. Or skip it, because truth told, Goblin Slayer was never really worth caring that much about in the first place.

    Hanoka

    Hanoka was the very first full fledged anime series to be animated completely in Flash. This is a terrible mistake. The flash makes the animation look unnatural, especially when viewing the characters. The faces and heads do not look right at all, and the faces show no expression on them what so ever. I do applaud the makers for trying flash, but it appears that the technology has come nowhere close to make it worthwhile.

    I’m not really sure what I expected from this show initially. I’m all for new techniques used in any kind of context, and given that this Anime series had been animated entirely in Flash format, I thought of it as perhaps something exciting.

    Throughout the show, we see the usual, predictable scenes such as “I’ll fight to protect you”, “he gave me a reason to live”, and “aagh you fatally injured him and now my powers increased tenfold because of my emotional distress”. The originality of the show is close to zero. No, if it’s a proper story you’re looking for, then this isn’t it.

    Also the ending has got to be the worst ending I have ever seen to an anime series. Terrible does not even begin to describe Hanoka.

    Ghost Stories Gakkou no Kaidan

    The thing about this anime is that it is actually REALLY really bad. It bombed in Japan and it is easy to see why.

    However……

    Aniplex was handed the English dub of the show, knowing it was a failure in Japan and it SEEMS they didn’t take the dub too seriously. So what do we get? The best dub that has ever been done ever.
    Let me try to explain; the voice actors decided to add really adult jokes, often breaking the fourth wall and mocking the show itself. It’s like a fandub with comedians or an Abridged series, but full episodes.

    To me, there was a certain formula for watching this show. It’s definitely not a series someone should marathon. Nope, it should be enjoyed an episode or two at a time. Any more and you’ll find yourself sick of the studpidity.
     Ghost stories is so bad it’s good. The show gets most of its fame from being so awful and the dub so hilarious.

    My advice to you is to watch the Dub. Bear in mind, the adult humor may be offputting to younger audiences. Or if you get offended easily, then please do NOT watch this. Ghost Stories English dub tries to be offensive to everyone and it succeeds.

    So, what do you think? Do you agree with this list? What animes do you hate? Let me know in the comments below!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!



  • Angels of Death Ending: What ACTUALLY Happened?

    Angels of Death Ending: What ACTUALLY Happened?

    Angels of Death ending…do YOU know what actually happened to Zack and Rachel? We have 3 possible outcomes for these two and we still might not have all the answers. Let us go in-depth to discover which one is correct.

    Angels of Death Ending what actually happened at the end

    First Possible Angels of Death Ending

    This is based on this speculated ending: Rachel has been canonically diagnosed with mental delirium. In this ending, she has an episode of delirium and envisions Zack visiting her and finally killing her. But she’s actually plunging the knife into herself, committing suicide. She was so committed to dying by Zack’s hand that her delirious brain conjured up the appropriate sounds and effects to the environment.

    But, as I said, this is the most unlikely ending, because, at the end of the game and anime, the window of Rachel’s room is shown. The glass is shattered, the iron bars are broken, and there’s blood on the windowsill. She couldn’t have jumped out the window, since the glass is INSIDE the room and she’s not strong enough to break iron bars.

    Not to mention I just don’t think I could handle this type of ending. It’s like when there was that theory that Pokemon was all just a dream that Ash was having inside his head and he was actually in a coma. It breaks my heart to even just think about this ending being real.

    Second Possible Angels of Death Ending

    The next ending is the angels of death ending I’m actually choosing to believe.

    This ending is self-explanatory. Zack took Rachel away and then ran away together, supporting each other like the best friends they were meant to be. And more later on, but Rachel needs to grow up first. Don’t get wrong, I LOVE Zack and Ray together but she is still young. And both of them are just getting used to having a real friend. Their relationship can progress more once she grows up.

    I mean, both of them have some serious PTSD and I think Zack might have some schizophrenia or something else due to his upbringing. It really makes you think of the whole nurture versus nature argument. Both he and Ray, have this moment where they almost blackout, Zack’s eyes go red and all he can see is his victim. He stops seeing them as human and Ray has to “fix” whatever she finds broken. They both have some type of mental illness that causes that.

    So yes, I’m choosing to believe that they ran together and learned how to slowly trust each other and even fit into society. I’ve read some AMAZING fanfictions on A03 that capture their journeys for this. I ship them and will continue to do so.

    Related: Angels of Death: Is Zack a Psychopath or a Sociopath? Inside the mind of a serial killer

    Third Possible Angels of Death Ending

    And now, the “most likely happened but this show made us cry way more than we anticipated so we refuse to accept that this was the end” ending. And that is, that both of them died at the end with Zack killing Rachel and then himself.

    Let me explain.

    In episode 4, Danny says Zack couldn’t survive a shot to the head. But what if he did, at least for a short time? In this ending, Zack is shot in the head and the chest and the blood on his scythe and window may prove this. In the original Japanese version, Zack spoke less and less during the conversation, only giving single-worded answers or short noises like “hmm” or “ah”. This could be from the blood loss and haziness of being close to death.

    So, Zack survives his execution and goes to Rachel.

    You know Zack pulls Rachel out the window at this point since neither of them is in the room at the end scene.

    angels of death ending

    In short, this ending is the theory that Zack was close to death after surviving the execution and going to see Rachel in his final moments alive. When they fall out the window, Zack stabs her and ends her life with his final breath. He dies shortly after and they are in each other’s arms. You can see that Rachel hugs Zack if you pause at the right moment. It’s just as they hit the ground. In a way, it’s kinda poetic. Using your last moments to fulfill the wishes of someone you care about, knowing you’ll die shortly after. And in their case, dying together instead of alone.

    So there you have it. Three possible Angels of Death endings. Which one do you believe? I’m still believing in the second one since I’m a romantic sap that can’t stand the thought of losing both my precious children. Let me know in the comments below! And don’t forget to check out our other articles related to AoD, including FANFICTION and all the stickers/merch you can get at the anime shop!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

  • Surviving in Zombieland: I Am A Hero

    Surviving in Zombieland: I Am A Hero

    Hello everyone, I wanted to share with you a new manga, I found myself not being able to put down. I was introduced to it by my little brother.

    If you love post apocalyptic manga and unlikely heroes, you will definitely love I am a Hero. It was a fantastic read and I was glad I picked it up.

    I personally think this is the Japanese take on the zombie survival genre The Walking Dead and it reminds me of Gantz for some reason.

    I Am a Hero, Hideo Suzuki 

    Author: Kengo Hanazawa

    Volumes: 22

    Published: 2009 – 2017

    Serialization: Big Comic Spirits

    Check out I Am a Hero Omnibus on Amazon!

    Synopsis

    Insecure 35-year-old Hideo Suzuki is forced to work as a mangaka’s assistant when his own series fails due to low sales. As he struggles through a mundane life plagued by hallucinations, he comes to realize that his relationship with his girlfriend isn’t that great, suspecting that she may be cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend. After confronting her about the possible affair, however, Hideo feels bad about his inquisition and decides to visit her house to apologize.

    But the world as he knows is about to be overturned. At first, not much seems to have changed, but he soon realizes that society has become a living nightmare, as the horrifying reality of what is taking place around him finally begins to sink in.-MAL

    I Am a Hero also has three spin offs;  I Am a Hero in Osaka, I Am a Hero in Ibaraki and I Am a Hero in Nagasaki, which are all really good too. So you’re going to have a lot more to read after you finish reading I Am a Hero.

    Why I felt it worked

    The story wasn’t rushed and look at our protagonist.

    Hideo Suzuki 

    He’s a manga artist in his mid-30’s who his pretty much a nobody. A common pretty much regular guy that you’re pretty sure will die at the very beginning.

    He really is not your usual hero. And all this made him a more identifiable character, that we can all see a bit of ourselves in.

    Like I said earlier the story builds up slowly and really makes you have that nudging feeling at the back of your mind that something bad is around the corner and going to happen. Which some other series can’t just do.

    The art is dark, gritty and often times very detailed. Its a very realistic manga with no overly excessive fan service i.e for example girls with large breasts and daddy issues, harems, chibi or adorable mascots.

    Our hero Hideo feels like one of the greatest losers and he suffers from hallucinations, which adds and extra level of guessing from the readers, wondering if what we see is also real or just in his head.

    And honestly it can be really dark, sad and very depressing but there are moments that remind us of things we have forgotten

    I Am a Hero
    Reminders like this

    You will really get glued to the plot, sympathize with the characters and it all just reaches an abrupt ending that feels unexpected and you keep asking yourself

    “is this really the end or did the author just get sick of creating this manga”.

    And it really mades me feel the author did this to me, after all the hours we spent together;

    I am a hero
    Baaaaaaam

    It was a really nice ride but the ending did feel rushed, open ended or maybe it’s just that I wanted more. Me and everyone whose read this manga, I guess felt this way.

    The story was over before we knew it, I mean after all the weirdness, the fights for survival, the mysteries left unanswered, motives, the laughs, the tears and just the whole journey in general.

    It really had me salty for days wondering what happened next or what could have happened, I really really do hate open ended endings.

    But I finally thought that maybe the story wasn’t really about what happened at the end, but about the moments and the limitations of us humans.

    Let me try to explain what I mean;

    This story was realistic we couldn’t find all the answers out in the end. The story was not really about that but about the ride and not the destination. Our protagonist was just an average guy at the end of the day and there really is so much he could really do.

    It was a story about a man harmed with a shotgun who was disillusioned, felt like a side character in his own life that tries to find some sort of meaning or resemblance of being a hero (be it a reluctant one) in zombie flesh eating world, that he’s thrown into.

    Thank you for reading. Till next time guys, like, share and read my other content.

  • Angels of Death vs Ib: Which is Better?

    Angels of Death vs Ib: Which is Better?

    Angels of Death vs. Ib: Which is better?

    First of all, that’s not the sign for the pound. It’s actually Ib as in”Ihb” being the name of the female protagonist. The other contender, Angels of Death, is another one of those RPG indie horror games. It was so well-liked that it became a manga, and then this past summer, an anime.

    About Ib

    Your main character is a little girl named you guessed it “Ib” or Eve depending on the translation. She is a nine-year-old girl who’s visiting the Guertena art gallery with her parents. She is a very brave and mostly silent protagonist. During her trip to the art museum, she finds herself in a twisted version of the gallery where the art wants her dead. Instead of a large haunted house, Ib enters an art gallery. The game begins rather simply, as it’s just a trip to the art gallery with her parents. They said it would be exciting for her. And yes, it will. So exciting that the poor girl is going to need therapy for the rest of her life after this whole ordeal is said and done.

    Ib meets a young man named Garry in the twisted art gallery. She rescues him from near imminent demise. You see each of the protagonists has in their possession a rose, except Garry, who dropped his in his escape from a monster. When Ib comes across the monster it is tearing out the petals (ie diminishing Garry’s HP) she rescues his rose from the creature. Garry is a kind man who decides to do his best to be brave and help this little girl get out of this fabricated world.

    Each has their own colored flower and a major place in the story.

    The last of your party members is a little girl named Mary that the party meets about halfway through their trials. Mary has a yellow rose in her possession though she likes Ib’s red rose and Garry’s blue rose more. Oddly enough, the story is quite strong and memorable being that it only really revolves around three people: Ib, Garry, and Mary. You will start to understand these characters and care (or loathe) them throughout the whole of the game, so be ready for emotional investment.

    About Angels of Death

    The first protagonist is Rachel Gardner, a 13-year-old girl who wakes up in an unrecognizable place and only supposedly remembers going to a psychologist appointment after she saw people getting murdered. She decides to try to escape the building but to her surprise, each floor has a master that will try to kill her for the simple given reason that she was selected as a sacrifice.

    The first floor she’s on is B6, is where she meets Zack, a serial killer who wields a scythe and is covered in bandages.

    Later on, Zack breaks the place’s rules by going to the next floor and attacking its master so he too is selected as a sacrifice along with the girl and they have to work together to escape. The two form an odd “friendship” with a promise that Rachel will help  Zack escape this place if he will kill her in return. 

    Each level brings a new killer to them. Cathy, who we met in episodes 4-5 so far, has probably one of the most annoying laughs I’ve ever heard. If I thought I wanted to kick Zack earlier at his laughing, he has nothing on Cathy.  But we also have Danny, Eddie, and Gray who all lead fairly interesting lives and bring more suspense to the story.

    You Might Like: Angels of Death: Killers Make Good Friends?

    Comparing the dark and good sides to both(SPOILERS!!)

    Ib features multiple endings, most of which are fairly macabre. Garry with his mind broken and Ib refusing to leave his side.

    Ib being tricked by an illusion of a loved one (it can be Garry, Mary, or her Mother depending on which route you went) and failing to leave the fabricated world behind. In the ending with Ib’s mother Garry is even on the other side in the art gallery desperately yelling for Ib to take his hand before it’s too late.

    Then there’s…Mary as a painting. Because she’s a liar. A popular theory is that she is the one that drew them into this world because she can only leave if she takes someone’s place. So she brought two people into the world, one to replace and the other to integrate herself into their life. Ib was to be her sister and Garry the sacrifice. Mary is…Mary is a character that a lot of people sympathize with her because “she just wanted to be real and to be free”. Nope screw that noise, that little blond psychopath tortured one of them to death and there is literally no justifying that course of action.

    angels of death versus Ib. Which is better?

    On the other side, we have Angels of Death.

    Now, the story was a bit more in-depth, mostly because we had so many other characters to delve into their backstory. Ib kept us guessing and we have a lot more headcanons and fan theories. Angels of Death actually gave us some truth. Yes, there was the plot twist that Rachel actually was a resident of the building but we LEARNED this and didn’t have to guess.

    The story gets dark when we learn that she witness her Father killing her Mother and the horrible conditions that Zack was raised in. It’s no surprise really that either one of them became as they did. Both became outcasts of society and were treated as tools.

    Who Wins?

    In my mind, there’s no question that Angels of Death beats Ib any day. The fact that it became so popular to gain a manga and then an anime whereas Ib is still just an RPG is just exhibit A. Do you agree? Have you played either of these games or watched the Angels of Death anime? Let me know in the comments below!

    angels of death vs Ib

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

    Related: Is Zack a Psychopath or a Sociopath?

  • Just How Deep Was Elfen Lied? The Theory

    Just How Deep Was Elfen Lied? The Theory

    Most anime fans have heard of Elfen Lied by now. It’s infamous for its twisted, dark humor and is filled with nudity. I mean, the first five minutes of Elfen Lied is LITERALLY of a naked woman slaughtering people. But, despite that, it does have some deeper messages such as accepting yourself and your inner demons.

    elfen lied lucy anime

    The Basic Plot

    Elfen Lied is something else. Definitely not your typical anime. Elfen Lied is not something that you want to enjoy a sunny day with. The violence and nudity may put some people off of this series, but I have to say that the story would not have had the same impact without it.

    We have a young woman who has just escaped from a high-security government facility, where she was held against her will. And it is quite obvious from the brutal massacre that ensures that she is a very troubled individual with plenty of hate for the human race, and perhaps deservedly so. Then after she is essentially shot off of a cliff by a sniper under the direction of the director of the facility, she ends up on the shore of the beach where she runs into Kohta and Yuka. Still naked.

    Because of Fanservice

    And this is where the story starts to disappoint me. The writers of this show then decided, after creating such an interesting character, they needed to turn her, through the ever-so-convenient plot device of memory loss, into some sort of mentally challenged child with the body of a young adult who can only utter the phrase “Nyu”.  And she has horns that suspiciously look like cat ears. Soon after, more girls come to join Kohta’s new “family” and yes, you get to see most of them naked.


    Besides what’s going on in front of the viewer’s eyes, there is an ongoing plot in the background about the Diclonius race. I found this plot pretty intriguing as well, but it, unfortunately, takes a back seat to the character drama, which was… somewhat disappointing. 

    Still, we do have a few moments and scenes that make the show worth it. Most of us can relate to Lucy in her moments of wanting to forget her past and just be a normal, human girl. While most of us(probably) don’t go around with a split personality killing people, we DO still want to be and feel accepted for who we are.

    What About the Characters?

    This is where I had my biggest bone to pick with this series. Most of the characters came off as either unrealistic or came off as pathetic excuses for fanservice. And the relationships were sometimes a little too forced.

    Especially note the latter; relationships. It’s an important aspect, as they are the main factor to why the Diclonius are so “cruel”. “Cruel” because they aren’t the real cruel ones; that honor goes to the humans.

    Elfen Lied Characters…

    Kohta is pretty much your typical harem anime protagonist.  He does offer some depth, but he is also unrealistic. I don’t expect fictional characters to act like real people, but they need to have a certain amount of believability. Any sane, real human being would turn in a lost, naked girl to the police. Not to mention, give a girl pants if she is obviously lacking some.

    Yuka is… well, Yuka is the kind of cousin who wants you. Really badly.  She is content with longing for her wimpy, pushover of a cousin. I’m sorry, but why was this needed in the story, especially when there was already a love interest for Kohta? This part really bothered me. I would have enjoyed Elfen Lied more if they let this part out.

    Lucy, on the other hand, was the meat of the story and, at least in my eyes, was much more of the main character than Kohta could ever be. I thought the flashback to her past was really well done and I admit I did feel sorry for her, even if half the time she was a sadistic murderer and the other half what amounted to a naked child.

    Conclusion

    Now, did I enjoy this series? On occasion. But it was very hard to watch, and I only kept watching because everyone else seemed to think this was some sort of masterpiece.  And the fanservice was so over-the-top that it was gross. I really don’t need to see naked fourteen-year-olds, and even when the fanservice involved older characters, it wasn’t very tastefully done and was way too overdone.

    You Might Like: Accepting Every Part of Yourself/Elfen Lied Theory

    What did you think? Have you already watched Elfen Lied? Are you a fan or not? Let me know in the comments below!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

  • Am I Unlovable? Let’s Look at Some Anime

    Am I Unlovable? Let’s Look at Some Anime

    Am I Unlovable? If someone asked us that question, our initial reaction is to jump to their defense and say, of course not. But if we ask ourselves the same question…we wouldn’t be so quick to disagree. This month, our OWLS prompt was on self-care and I jumped at the chance to write about the anime: Welcome to the N.H.K and my own experiences dealing with mental illness.

    Am I Unlovable? Let's Look at Some Anime

    I’m scared of my mental illness. Am I Unlovable?

    It’s a statement I hate writing and a sentence I hate thinking about. But it’s how I feel. And as my depression and anxiety become more chronic, my thoughts about falling in love become more negative and my belief of the chances of it happening for me start to grow slim. While I know this is a small part of me, I can’t help but feel as though there is a giant neon sign following me, warning people away.

    The truth is, when I tell the people I’m dating, it usually starts out OK. They seem to understand and accept this is a part of me, but it isn’t all me. Yes, I have depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and PTSD. And that’s just a FEW of them. But those illnesses don’t make them me. I don’t love anime or writing because I have those things, I love them because I’m just me. My mental illness is a part of me, but it doesn’t define me.

    But wait..there’s more

    But the further we get down the path of being together and the more they realize how much it actually affects my everyday life, that is when I see them start to look for the exit. When they realize how much I have to stay in bed because of the pain from standing up that causes me to pass out, to the realization that I’m unable to be as physical as most “normal” people are.

    I’ve had exes tell me they can’t make me feel better because I’m letting these “issues” consume me. I’ve had exes tell me they don’t feel as though they can tell me the truth about things because they’re worried it’ll send me into a tailspin. They’ll try to tell me how to manage my illnesses even though they’ve never experienced it themselves.

    I don’t need someone to tell me what to do or how to do it when it comes to depression or anxiety. All I want — all I truly want — is someone just to love me through it. That’s the part that is sometimes lost on potential partners. I don’t need someone to “fix” me.

    Thankfully, I’m now in a relationship with someone who understands. But the little voices of anxiety and depression love to whisper in my ear that it’s too good to be true. That this healthy relationship with someone who makes me feel safe and loved can’t possibly be real. That’s the darker side of depression…sometimes you’re unsure what’s real.

    We don’t need to be told we’re broken.

    I go to therapy and take my medication. I work hard each and every day to ensure I am doing all I can to prevent the bad days from occurring more often than not.

    What I do need is for someone to just be there when things get hard. When those bad days come on and I can’t think of a reason why I should get out of bed, I want someone to just be there and tell me I can do it. I want someone to hold me when, in the middle of the night, I can’t breathe because my anxiety is out of control. And I want to be able to tell someone my deepest darkest secrets when it comes to my illness and not have them look at me like I have three heads.

    I could be having just a normal, okay day and one little thought will cross my mind and cause me to start to panic. The thoughts will weigh me down with their burden and I’ll be unable to think of anything else. This is agoraphobia.

    Agoraphobia Truths

    Agoraphobia is a much-misunderstood condition, and sufferers are often mocked or told they should ‘get over it. It’s not, as is often thought, a fear of open spaces, but rather a fear of being in public places and away from the safety of the home. For me, even a 10-minute drive to Wal-mart is something I have to mentally prepare myself for weeks in advance. I only go twice a month and that’s about it for my social interaction.  And it’s definitely not something I can just “get over”. I’m fine if I’m with someone I trust, but never by myself. Then the panic sets in even more. Home is safe. My room is safe.

    The panic sets in if I have to leave my bed. It’s like the cold and heavy darkness wrapping its arms around your entire body. You can’t move or dare to breathe. Sure, I know on some level that it’s an irrational fear and the scenarios I imagine won’t happen THAT day…but the small chances are there. It makes it tough to live a healthy and active lifestyle. To even keep up with friendships or relationships.  But I’m grateful for the friends I do have that understanding. Self-care includes choosing the right people to be around us.

    Anime Characters with Mental Illnesses

    With as much as I love anime, I’ve been excited to find a few characters that I can relate to who have issues with their mental health. The main one I can think of when it comes to mental illness is Welcome to the N.H.K that deals with a 20 something hikikomori/NEET named Satou Tatsuhiro.

    More than half of you are probably wondering what a hikikomori is; So that explanation should probably come now before getting into the rest of this article. The dictionary definition of hikikomori is “a state or condition of acute social withdrawal”.

    The number of people living the hikikomori or NEET (Not pursuing Employment, Education, or Training) lifestyle is increasing every day worldwide. The hikikomori is basically shut-ins that feel uncomfortable in presence of other people. They don’t leave their rooms/houses unless they absolutely have to and make just enough money through various means to survive and continue their hikikomori lifestyles.

    The story is about a very serious subject matter but it is still full of humorous moments. That being said, the anime is also full of serious and sometimes very sad occurrences. If you happen to be an emotional person, be prepared to shed a few tears.

    Satou’s Mental Health

    Satou is your “typical” conspiracy nut shut-in (or what you would imagine one would act and feel like). While his hikikomori lifestyle doesn’t seem to be as severe as some other people’s, it is bad enough to keep him from functioning as a part of society and most of his ventures to the outside world seem to end with him becoming completely scared and freaked out. The question of “am I unlovable” seems to be one that could bother him. Mostly because he doesn’t want anyone close to him anyway.

    I’m pretty sure he has panic disorder/social anxiety and possibly agoraphobia. As someone who deals with agoraphobia on a daily basis, his life seemed a bit easier than mine but I’m still a shut-in. As I mentioned before, my self-care routine is daily, even hourly. Self-care is important to all of us, especially to those with mental health issues.

    And to answer the question of “Am I Unlovable?”…the answer is a big fat NO. You are loved and so important. More than you know.

    You Might Like: Kawamoto Akari symbolic of growing up [March 2019 OWLS Tour]

    What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments below! If you missed Marina’s article before, you can check it out here. Naja’s will be up tomorrow so be on the lookout for it!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

     

  • Angels of Death Fanfiction: Ray’s POV

    Angels of Death Fanfiction: Ray’s POV

    Hey everyone! I was so surprised by the response to the first part of this, that I made the second part in Rachel’s point of view per request. Angels of Death is such a fun game and a great anime. The fandom needs to grow even more for sure!

    If you missed part one of this fanfiction, you can read it HERE

    Angels of Death Fanfiction: Ray’s POV

    5 years. It had been 5 years of running, avoiding the law and the people that would enforce it. It was only in the last two that they had finally stopped after their fingerprints had been left onto two other bodies to declare Issac Foster and Rachel Gardner dead.

    Rachel figured she should be grateful for that. She was tired of running away. Settling down somewhere felt nice even though the small apartment she and Zack shared was nothing to write home about. But it was a home. To Rachel though, home was wherever Zack was.

    Getting fake id’s, and rarely going outside helped. Ray wore a short black wig and brown contacts every time she did, and she almost wouldn’t recognize herself.  She had started an online business(under a false name of course), that brought in a decent amount of money for them to survive. Zack wasn’t able to just walk into a place of business and get hired, so she made as much as she could. She was good at sewing and selling the items she made online was enough of them.

    Zack still had to deal with the issue of his “dark passenger”. His desire to kill hadn’t stopped since they left the area, but he managed with being hired as a hitman, Rachel didn’t particularly like that he had to do that, but she also understood his need for it. He only went after those who deserved it. Those who had escaped the law, serial killers, rapists and the like. He had a code and underneath it all, Ray knew she didn’t want him to change.

    Honestly, Rachel didn’t know if she would have survived without him. If she ever could.

    It had been a while since she had asked him to kill her. She was surprised he hadn’t asked her why. But a small part of her was grateful. She didn’t exactly want to leave his side now.

    The past 5 years had brought a change to her. She was taller, though still shorter than him, coming up to his chest. She didn’t mind though. Ray liked feeling his heartbeat against her cheek and often at night, she would curl up against him just to assure herself that he was really there.

    Like now for instance.

    She laid as still as she possibly could, waiting for the sounds of his even breathing to tell her that he was asleep. Then she could roll over and tighten her grip against him.

    She heard him sigh and her breath caught.

    5 years had changed her as well. Ray still rarely showed emotion on her face, but when she did, Zack was the reason.

    And those smiles of his…they made her want to stay by his side forever.

    She almost let out a small gasp as she felt his hand touch her hair gently. With slow, even moments, she relished the feeling of his hands running through her hair.

    Another sigh escaped him. Quickly and too soon, she felt him move out of the bed, almost as if he was trying not to wake her.  Waiting just a few moments, she opened her eyes and turned over. The light was on in their bathroom and making up her mind, she headed over.

    “Zack? Are you in there?” She asked, rubbing her eyes against the bright light.

    He jumped at the sound of her voice.

    “What are ya doing up?” He grumbled in his usual gruff tone. “Ya know ya should be sleeping.”

    She looked up at him, deadpanned. She could see him gulp when she moved closer. He was changing his bandages out and looked like he needed help. Not that he would mention it.

    “You should be too.” She responded as she began unwrapping a new set of gauze for the bandages.

    “Don’t have to do that.” He said softly, looking away.

    She just looked at him and then continued her work.

    He watched and stood completely still as Ray wrapped the bandages around his torso. The movement was small and quick, but it still brought her closer to him, close enough that she could smell the shampoo he used.  She stopped near his navel, examining one of the scars. She wanted to erase all of the pain that those scars had for them. Each one told a story but they intrigued her. She wanted to move closer to him.

    “Finally see me as a monster, eh?” He said curtly, trying not to look her straight in the eyes. “Took you some time to figure it out.”

    Anger rose in her. “You’re not a monster.”  Her fingers traced upwards towards his neck, then his chin so he was forced to look at her. “You’re not, Zack.” She tried to put enough vehemence in her voice so that he would understand what she was trying to say.

    He made a hmprfhing sound and crossed his arms.  “Yeah, yeah.”

    She kept looking at him though. It broke her heart that in 5 years, he still saw himself as a tool and a monster. The crazy idea of just kissing him silly crossed her mind and she wondered how he would react if she did.

    Eventually, she let his chin go and finished the rest of the bandages. Her heart was pounding and she was afraid of what she would say or do if she stayed near him too long.

    5 years. 5 years was what it took to make her finally feel something.  She didn’t know that such a feeling of…well, happiness could exist for someone like her. Being abused and tormented for years just didn’t seem to make that possible.

    “Ray.” He called over to her as she had moved to put the soiled bandages in the trash, startling her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him. “Are you happy staying here with me?”

    She was shocked. He had to ask that? Did he really not know?

    After what felt like an eternity, Ray answered. “Yeah.” Then turned back to her work.

    Zack grunted.  “Just yeah, huh?” He grumbled out. “Try not to put so much effort next time, would ya?”

    A soft giggle was the reply.  She came closer, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. Ray was sure her heart was actually going to rip out of her chest.

    She buried her face deeper into his chest, her voice muffled. “Yes, Zack. I’m happy staying here with you.”

    It seemed like forever before he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her as well.

    “Okay.” He whispered against the top of her head. “Just stay with me a little longer.”  For now…they could just stay like this. As long as they stayed together, she didn’t care where they were.

    The End!!! Let me know what you think 🙂

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

  • Angels of Death Fanfiction…Pure Fluff

    Angels of Death Fanfiction…Pure Fluff

    Angels of Death Fanfiction…Zack and Ray Fluff

    Just a short fluff piece for Zack and Ray as I needed more fluff between the two. Also, because I’m a hopeless romantic and think that everyone needs a happy ending. At least in writing, they can get it. I haven’t come up with a title yet, so that’ll change once I do, but for now, just enjoy this!

    *Also, I already have a disclaimer on the full website, but just in case…obviously I don’t own Angels of Death. The characters and artwork belong to their respective owners and I give them my thanks for creating vivid characters that I can terrorize through writing*

    5 years. It had been 5 years of running, avoiding the law and the people that would enforce it. It was only in the last two that they had finally stopped after their fingerprints had been left onto two other bodies to declare Issac Foster and Rachel Gardner dead.

    They weren’t of course. But it was necessary so that they could stop looking over their shoulders all the time. Zack didn’t mind, but he knew Ray had to be tired of running. She was a girl, so of course, she would want a home.

    Getting fake id’s, and rarely going outside helped. Ray wore a short black wig and brown contacts every time she did, and Zack almost wouldn’t recognize her. He didn’t like that she had to cover that part of herself up. She was smart though, much smarter than him, and had started an online business(under a false name of course), that brought in a decent amount of money for them to survive.

    Honestly, Zack didn’t know if he would have survived without her. If he even could.


    It had been a while since she had asked him to kill her, which for that, he was grateful. He still had the need and desire to kill, but he had standards, dang it. He only killed those who deserved it and Ray…Ray didn’t.

    The past 5 years had brought a change to her. She was taller, though still shorter than him, coming up to his chest. When they first began running, Zack thought nothing of it when she fell asleep against him one night. But now, the t-shirts she wore to bed did nothing to conceal the curves of her. Delicious curves that brought a stained blush to his cheeks.

    He stretched while looking away from her sleeping form, hoping the mental images would soon leave his mind. No such luck though. He sighed.


    5 years had changed him as well. Ray had taught him to read and write, and with that, allowed him to feel and express his emotions a bit more. Ray still rarely showed emotion on her face, so when she did, Zack was proud of himself. He had to earn her smiles.

    And those smiles of hers…they were worth it.

    Hesitantly, he reached a hand over to her long blonde hair. It still felt like silk against his burnt fingers and a soothing calm enveloped him as he stroked her hair softly. It used to be that killing was the only time he felt either a high or at peace. Now though, he could find the same emotions when he was around Ray. She had become someone he trusted with his life, even someone he would call his best friend.

    She didn’t treat him as a tool. Or even as a monster. She simply treated him as Zack.

    Another sigh escaped him. If he kept touching her hair like this, he wasn’t sure he would stop. Slowly and quietly, so as not to wake her, he moved out of the bed and headed to the small shower.
    He began removing his bandages, refusing to look into the small mirror that was near. Changing the bandages took time, but it was necessary. He wasn’t sure if he skin would ever heal, but they were simply apart of him now.

    “Zack? Are you in there?”

    He jumped at the sound of her soft voice. Glancing up, he saw Ray leaning across the doorway, sleepily rubbing her eye.

    “What are ya doing up?” He grumped. “Ya know ya should be sleeping.”

    She looked up at him, deadpanned. That expression of hers…or lack therof…should be trademarked. He gulped when she moved closer.

    “You should be too.” She responded as she began unwrapping a new set of gauze for the bandages.

    “Don’t have to do that.” He said softly, looking away. He didn’t want her seeing him like this anyway. Best if she didn’t see under the mask anymore than she already had.

    She just looked at him and then continued her work. Man, she was a stubborn one.

    He watched and stood completely still as Ray wrapped the bandages around his torso. The movement was small and quick, but it still brought her closer to him, close enough that he could smell the shampoo that she used in her hair. She stopped near his navel, examining one of the scars.

    “Finally see me as a monster, eh?” He said curtly, trying not to look her straight in the eyes. “Took you some time to figure it out.”

    “You’re not a monster.” Zack watched then as one of her fingers lightly traced the scar across his navel.

    Her fingers traced upwards towards his neck, then his chin so he was forced to look at her. “You’re not, Zack.”

    He made a hmprfhing sound and crossed his arms, trying not to feel self-conscious as she stared at him even more. “Yeah, yeah.”

    She kept looking at him though, almost making him feel guilty enough to change his words. To be a bit kinder. Just for her.

    Almost though. Not enough to actually do it. Eventually, she let his chin go and finished the rest of the bandages. Zack was internally screaming with relief, hoping he could find another way to get some more distance from them. Every one of his nerves was tingling, heightened and aware of the young girl’s…no, woman’s appearance.

    5 years. 5 years was what it took to make him finally feel something more for another person other than himself. He had read about it in a few of those books Ray had left lying around. While he wasn’t a believer of God or things like that, he had to acknowledge that SOMETHING had led to him and Ray meeting. Maybe even sheer dumb luck that someone like her even wanted to stay with someone like him. To get close to him.

    Maybe it was just so he would kill her, but Zack couldn’t think that after 5 years, Ray wasn’t happy just staying there with him.

    But he never had asked…had he?

    “Ray.” He called over to her as she had moved to put the soiled bandages in the trash. She looked up at him.”Are you happy staying here with me?”

    He was almost afraid of her answer. What if she asked him to kill her right then? Could he actually do it?

    After what felt like an eternity, Ray answered. “Yeah.” Then turned back to her work.

    Zack grunted. Stupid women and never explaining things. “Just yeah, huh?” He grumbled out. “Try not to put so much effort next time, would ya?”

    A soft giggle was the reply and it took him by surprise. Eyes wide, he looked at the girl in question as she came closer to him, wrapping her arms around him in a surprise hug. Zack was sure his heart was actually going to rip out of his chest.

    She buried her face deeper into his chest, her voice muffled. “Yes, Zack. I’m happy staying here with you.”

    His blush rose as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her as well.

    “Okay.” He whispered against the top of her head. “Just stay with me a little longer.” He felt her nod beneath him and he let out a deep sigh of content. For now…they could just stay like this. As long as they stayed together, he didn’t care where they were.

    angels of death fanfiction

    END!

    They’re just too cute. Thank goodness for fanfiction or I might not survive reality.

    You can read the second part HERE

    Related: Angels of Death Anime Review

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

  • Angels of Death Review: Killers Make Good Friends?

    Angels of Death Review: Killers Make Good Friends?

    Some of us have already heard of Angels of Death a couple of times before, having seen the game a few times on Steam. The game was even released as a manga though there are a few volumes that haven’t been translated into English yet. After playing the game, I was curious to see how this 16 episode anime adaptation would go into. So far, I have seen the first 5 episodes with the next episode set to be released on the 10th of this month.

    What’s Angels of Death About?

    The first protagonist is Rachel Gardner, a 13-year-old girl who wakes up in an unrecognizable place and only supposedly remembers going to a psychologist appointment after she saw people getting murdered. She decides to try to escape the building but to her surprise, each floor has a master that will try to kill her for the simple given reason that she was selected as a sacrifice.

    The first floor she’s on is B6, is where she meets Zack, a serial killer who wields a scythe and is covered in bandages.

    Later on, Zack breaks the place’s rules by going to the next floor and attacking its master so he too is selected as a sacrifice along with the girl and they have to work together to escape. The two form an odd “friendship” with a promise that Rachel will help  Zack escape this place if he will kill her in return. 

    Each level brings a new killer to them. Cathy, who we met in episodes 4-5 so far, has probably one of the most annoying laughs I’ve ever heard. If I thought I wanted to kick Zack earlier at his laughing, he has nothing on Cathy.

    Not to mention, her level seems to be a bit Saw inspired. I was waiting for one of them to have to cut off a hand or foot, but nope, she already provided that for them.

    Related: Is Zack a Psychopath or a Sociopath?

    Thoughts About the Plot

    To begin with, I think the premise of Angels of Death is pretty darn awesome. A little cliche at times, and a few moments where I wanted to scream at Rachel to show some emotion on her face. Then again, if she had, she would have already been killed by Zack which wouldn’t make for a very long show or game. Not to mention, Rachel is mentally broken, which would explain why it’s difficult for her to show the expression on her face. Even in the first episode, I just wanted to kick Zach in the shins for being a butthead, so I guess I wouldn’t last very long there.

    Speaking of emotions though, I think it’s a little funny that Zack can show more emotions on his face than Ray.

    Zack as a character is interesting. We see throughout episode 5, his backstory is a little more than we thought. He’s had a rough past. It seems his foster parents(who are complete buttheads) made him bury the bodies of other children and treated him as nothing more than a tool. From the amount of bags and the way the woman speaks, you can assume that they’ve done this before.

    Final Thoughts

    It deals with everything I ever could ask for: mental health problems, and even the different points of view towards religion.  It even does the life aspects really well. Already knowing the ending doesn’t make this anime any less well done and I’m excited to see where it goes. If anything, I just want to keep playing.

    Have you already watched this? Or have you played the game? Let me know in the comments below!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling!

    p.s….isn’t Zack super hot? Or is that just me? Lol, I’ll go fangirl by myself in the corner.

  • Am I Ugly? Princess Jellyfish Anime Review

    Am I Ugly? Princess Jellyfish Anime Review

    “Am I ugly?” If you ever try to type those words into a search bar, they are usually the first ones that pop up. In today’s society, there’s an undeniable amount of pressure to look and act a certain way. I’m not even talking about Hollywood or celebrities. While yes, they have the pressure, I’m talking more about us everyday folks.

    I am ugly. And no, that’s not to hear protests of the opposite. I mean that in today’s idea of beauty I have always been rated a 7 on my best day. That’s with the right outfit and my hair done and my makeup perfect. On my normal everyday face, I’m a 3. Why the numbers? Because that’s what I’ve been told my whole life.

    I’m a huge anime nerd(I mean, why else would I run an anime blog?) and would rather stay home reading and watch anime than go outside and socialize. That’s why, after watching a new anime that a friend suggested, I KNEW I needed to do a review on it.

    Now, this anime, Princess Jellyfish, has been out a while already and has even been on Netflix. When I just looked at the cover art, I thought it was just going to be a weird and not that good show.

    I couldn’t have been more wrong.

    This anime broke my heart, made me cry, and gave me more feels than I could have ever imagined. Any girl(or guy for that matter) will be able to relate to the characters. The best part is that the main character doesn’t change who she is. She stays true to herself while learning who she is.

    If you haven’t already heard of Princess Jellyfish, let me give you a brief synopsis…

    Ever since her late mother took her to an aquarium when she was young, Tsukimi Kurashita has been obsessed with jellyfish, comparing their flowing tentacles to a princess’s white dress. Now living with five other unemployed otaku women, 19-year-old Tsukimi spends her days as a social outcast dreaming of becoming an illustrator.

    However, her life changes forever when one day, a beautiful woman unexpectedly helps her save a jellyfish in a local pet store. From then on, the stranger—confident, fashionable, and the complete opposite of Tsukimi and her roommates—begins to regularly visit the girls’ building. This trendy hipster, though appearing shallow at first, harbors some secrets of her own, starting with the fact that “she” isn’t a girl at all, but a wealthy male college student named Kuranosuke Koibuchi!

    Seeing how popular this anime was(it’s ranked #300 on MAL), I couldn’t wait to see how this anime turned out. It’s definitely a slice-of-life anime, and much like Ouran High School Host Club, it does leave off on a cliff-hanger. Luckily, we have the manga which I quickly devoured. I needed a better ending besides what I could find from reading fanfiction for it.

    One thing that struck me the most, was how the characters were all otaku’s and not your typically drawn anime-style characters. And the main male character(while cross-dressing and still looked great no matter what he wore), started to fall for our main female character. Despite that, the show didn’t focus on it as much since they decided to go the route of a literal slice of life and not delve as deep as they could into it.

    Were the Girls Ugly? 

    We had a friend over recently and they commented how he and my ex-husband (we’re separated now) never dated girls based on physical appearance. I didn’t say anything, but the comment crushed me.  There had been snide comments from others close to me that they would never have to work as hard as me to be beautiful.

    Was my worth based more on my physical appearance than my personality?

    People would avoid eye contact with me, refuse to be seen with me….was I truly that unwanted? Was I really that ugly? I knew how these girls felt, since I too, was just your average everyday otaku. My social anxiety prevents me from being able to socialize that a “normal” human being and I turn to stone when being asked certain questions. I can fangirl with the best of them, especially when it comes down to things about anime or Harry Potter.

    It has been years for me to come to terms with this. I was never going to be a 10 or even an 8. Someone quoted that even when I lost weight, it wouldn’t help because I had an ugly face. Was that my only value of a character? The length of my hair and makeup on my face? Was I unable to be loved because of my face? My first love and boyfriend would ask to see my stomach to see if I was losing or gaining weight. This escalated my eating disorder to even worse proportions and food became my enemy.

    One part that struck me especially in Princess Jellyfish, was when Tsukimi was wearing the lace jellyfish dress, it shows two different views. How Kuranosuke sees her and how she sees herself. It’s almost two totally different people.  True, he was seeing the version of her that he created, but he wasn’t wrong. She was still herself.

    Conclusion?

    Every girl, and guy, can be beautiful because they already are. We all have a certain style and something to bring to the table.

    The show is actually worth watching around the first chance you get. Some of the humor can be charming and unique up to an extent although I hate that it ended on a lousy cliffhanger, which means it’s one of those “read the manga” endings.

    There is so much love in my life despite my physical appearance. Beauty isn’t a definition of character. I won’t ever be a model or be showered with compliments all the time. Instead, I’ve been blessed with real and true friends that can see past my imperfections. My friends(the real ones) love my flaws and see me as someone worthy to be loved.

    And that’s what really matters.

    Until next time my lovelies. As always,

    Keep Smiling! 

  • Lessons that Anime Taught Us Nerds

    Lessons that Anime Taught Us Nerds

    Lessons that Anime Taught Us, Nerds? The whole purpose of anime, or any show, is to make you feel something. At least some kind of emotion, regardless of what that emotion is. It could be anger, hatred, or more likely, laughter and happiness, depending on what you’re watching.

    Since first watching Inuyasha at 12 years old and falling in love with it, I’ve been a huge otaku. I’m always searching for more anime to watch and review. The plotlines, the graphic art styles…I loved all of it. It was a world, unlike reality, that I could escape into and enjoy.

    Anime was my haven.

    But one thing I hadn’t been expecting, was the lessons that anime would be teaching me.

    Lessons that Anime Taught Us

    “It’s not the end. Everything’s just beginning“.- Ikuto, Shugo Chara

    Throughout most of these animes though, they have an underlying theme…hope. The characters are all going through some trial of some sort, and they have to find a way through it by some means. Their motivation, determination, and persistence, are what get them through it.

    How often do we ourselves think about giving up? This past January was 3 years since I left the East Coast and moved out to the West. Now I have flatlands instead of greenery and trees, and snow/wind instead of humidity. And, try as much as I might, I’ve never been able to escape my past.

    I’ve barely been out of bed or even SHOWERED in the past month. Instead, I’ve been scrolling mindlessly through my phone playing games, and reading several fanfictions that I’ve become engrossed with. Especially Miraculous Ladybug but anyone who has read the blog before or just knows me knows that I seriously love that fandom. I’m total Miraculous trash and have no shame with it.

    But there was no denying how hard this month has been.  Nothing will magically change for us. When January 1st hits us, we’re still the same person we were the night before.

    “Nothing disappears from the heart…” 

    I barely posted on any of my social media accounts or even my beloved blog. I felt myself slipping into an even darker abyss than I had been at previously and wasn’t sure how to stop it. I questioned every choice I had ever made, starting when I had first moved out of my first apartment to follow a guy that I believed was my person.

    In hindsight, that was stupid…

    The thing about depression and anxiety is… I NEEDED CHANGE – NOT SYMPATHY.  I loved it though, lapped it all up. But it’s not what I needed to get out of the depressed, worthless feeling funk. 

    I was unhappy before I was depressed. I was depressed because I felt stuck and didn’t know how to fix the things that I was unhappy with, the choices I had made. I felt hopeless because I had no clue what to do about it. I was too young to know that I had options. That I could change things. That I could follow a different path.

    And that is what I needed to learn. To accept the change that I had chosen.

    So yeah, I moved across country where I barely knew anyone and didn’t have solid employment. And yeah I have had my heart broken on so many levels but I’m learning to let go. But anime helped me through it. It truly was my escape other than fanfiction and my fiction novels.

     It wasn’t until I moved out west that I discovered that I was Asexual. And once I figured that out, everything started to make sense and I felt relieved. But I also felt discouraged.  Being asexual is tough. Not many people understand how a person can just not be into other human beings physically or romantically.

    You Might Like: 10 Anime Cosplay Costumes You Can Do Right Now

    Now, don’t get me wrong. I love love. But I also can’t be physical with anyone. I’m simply not attracted to anyone. The emotions I get from looking at someone “pretty” are the same emotion I see when I see food I really like.

    I always had to keep a list in my head of things I liked about that person like their funny jokes or liked their hair. Almost as if I had to remind myself why I liked them in the first place. Sure, I found guys attractive, but not enough to want to be physical with them. Someone who isn’t asexual might have a hard time understanding that. But I’m not perfect and never will be. I’m still highly sensitive and can burn out easily. And I always need to have a cause or a purpose. That is something that I’ll be going into more detail about later on in another blog post.

    I once had a trainer at work tell me that I was “marble-headed“. I would get an idea and it was like dropping one marble into a pile of others. The marble would hit them and runoff in every direction until it ran out of momentum and seize to a halt.

    I laughed then(and still kinda giggle at it), but it actually makes sense. I like feeling as if I have a purpose and I DO get some crazy “marble-headed” ideas.  Remind me to tell ya’ll about my exploding salsa story and the time I accidentally flooded our whole laundry room.

    But I still felt alone.

    My heart still hurts over all that I have lost but I needed the change, and a kick in the rear, to remember what I have GAINED.  I’m not the same girl who stood outside her ex’s house when he ended things, sobbing her heart out and begging him not to do it. Screaming out “NO” to him and he walked away and never looked back. I’m not the girl who used razors and bottlecaps to feel anything other than mind-numbing pain. I’m not the girl who felt worthless and unloved…

    There’s nothing wrong with admitting that we’re hurting or that we need help. We’re all so much stronger than we realize and even though being heartbroken and depressed is worse than crap on toast…we’re still here. Today might suck, but tomorrow can be better. We can live for tomorrow(okay, that is cheesy. Obviously I need food or something).

    Who remembers The Iron Giant? I know it’s not technically an anime but this movie just gave me all the feels that I had to include it.

    But the number one lesson that anime has taught us?

    (I couldn’t resist)!

    As always,

    Keep Smiling! 

    Related: Inspiring Fairy Tail Quotes About Mental Illness